Photo by: Rozette Diaz
The other day I was talking to a guy, who was so passionate about his job and what he does. I sat there wondering to myself – should I be alarmed that I couldn’t find anything I was equally as enthusiastic about? I am turning another year older, but nowhere close to figuring myself out.
Maybe I’m having my quarter-life crisis, that’s a real thing right? I grew up in a family who loves me and supports me in everything I want to do. I was also lucky enough to find a few great people who can tolerate me despite my impulsiveness and weirdness with no questions and judgement. The job that I have now, was the first interview I had when I moved back to the States. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, the company I work for and what we do. But that can’t be it right?
When I was in the Philippines, all my energy went to helping LEAD Movement promote Ilocos in ways that the local government didn’t, like promoting sand boarding as the first of its kind in the country, and the preservation of Adams. Living in LA, I have yet to find the same medium for me to dedicate my heart, effort and my weekends to.
Let’s see. I love to travel, but I can’t leave work for too long often, at least not yet. I love nature, but I find myself usually trapped in the confines of tall buildings, freeways and taco trucks. I love animals, I have tried to volunteer at the California Wildlife Center but even getting around that is a little hard. The only sports that make me feel good are surfing (I don’t have anyone to go surf with) and swimming (still trying to figure out the best way to go swim without fucking up my pink hair). I have always wanted to learn how to paint. When I was younger, I recall being very good at drawing, I don’t remember when I stopped but, long story short, I think I need to practice my art hands more. I was once an adventure nut – hiking through lush forests, jumping off cliffs, climbing rocks, surfing sand. All of this was accessible where I used to live, and easy for me because my family loved doing the same things too.
How is it that I am able to write these things down, and still have no motivation to pursue them? This is not a #NewYearNewMe post. I am going to find what fuels my heart and soul not because I am turning 25 soon (get real, birthday resolutions never last). I am determined to find something, to learn something new because I am not getting any younger. I can kick ass at my job, party on weekends and sleep all day-Sundays if that’s the future I want to have. Is it so bad that I want it all, the great job, surrounded by people I love and do something that makes me feel alive?
So, where do I go to look for it? This time no more but’s.